Dig inside out until nothing’s left
But the hallow remnants of morning.
Grit my teeth to upturn the frown
Drown from invisible tears undammed.


Not like the others, I seem to be
Rock steady like mountains unmovable, but
Shifting fault lines cause underground disarray
Carve my insides out until the basin runs dry.
Rafting the wild rapids of dopamine, serotonin 
Uneven flowing tributaries thrash me about.


I reach for wisps of clouds, but fall to the ground
Empty-handed, on my back I stare at the sky


Wonder why the sudden torrential downpour
Horrendous winds suck the life and feeling
From an ever deepening vacuum
Still try to pile the dirt back inside
To lay foundation for tomorrow to grow
Holes on my sides, the sand slips through.


Their smiles, their laughter their happiness
I can only acknowledge superficially.
Ready to explode, it brews to the surface
Choke it back, but it’s killing me.
Cannot control the monster raging
Mind malfunctioning, spins out of control


But the elixirs I bet on don’t deliver
And the weatherman is often wrong
Can only show what is now, and
What the climate should be.

Filled with predictions, calculations
Storms increase in intensity
And then die down again
Like me.


The cycle repeats.

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2024 © Amanda LaPera