Amanda LaPera

Writer, Speaker, Teacher & Advocate - Severe Mental Illness: Let's Do Something About It

Poetry

Published Poems 

Poetry Readings

Other Poems by Amanda LaPera:

Another Night Without You

Riptide 

Imbalance 

Mondays

The Voices

Another Chance

 

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Published Poetry

 

 

"American Beauty" has been selected for publication by Edgar & Lenore's Publishing House and included in their In the Company Of Women - An Anthology Of Wit And Wisdom, Sass & Class, released in April 2012 in honor of national poetry month (ISBN-13: 978-0578102481). 

 

Visit  Calliope's Closet for more information and to see Amanda's profile on  the Women of Wit and Wisdom page.

 

 

 

 

"The Rose" has been published by Edgar Allen Poet.

Check it out by clicking here.

Another Night Without You

(Poem based on the painting “A Glass of Blue” by Mark Keller.)

A Glass of Blue

My fingers create
Ivory dances
For your soul.
My heart aches silently
The dissonance between us
Painful
Though you are near.

Never know
If I’ll see you here again
I come
To play, for you.
Brandy won’t suffice
To take away your pain
I smell the smoke
Trails from your lips
I know
Another Friday night
He didn’t show, like before
I know
You tire of his excuses
But here I am
For you, I play.

Feel the harmony
Let it comfort you
Wrap my melody around you
Wish I could do more.

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Riptide

 

Sometimes I wonder what separates
Those who can from those who cannot
And often like the multitude of waves
Crashing onto one another
It is not that the water is different
Or that the swimmers’ strength varies
But that the force of the riptide
Is what pulls us under.

Swimming parallel to the beach
Some cannot reach the shore
Then there are those who
Never leave the sandy safe and
Watch helplessly at the spectacle
Of life being played on a looping reel.

And the powerful surfers
Part the waves at their command
Walking on water, they control the tide
But perhaps only because they choose
Not to surf over jagged rocks.

Is it we who decide which beach
And which water we must enter?
Or predetermined by an intricate
Design of genes that place
Us knee-deep in whatever
Tide fate pleases.


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Imbalance

Dig inside out until nothing’s left
But the hallow remnants of morning.
Grit my teeth to upturn the frown
Drown from invisible tears undammed.

Not like the others, I seem to be
Rock steady like mountains unmovable, but
Shifting fault lines cause underground disarray
Carve my insides out until the basin runs dry.
Rafting the wild rapids of dopamine, serotonin
Uneven flowing tributaries thrash me about.

I reach for wisps of clouds, but fall to the ground
Empty-handed, on my back I stare at the sky

Wonder why the sudden torrential downpour
Horrendous winds suck the life and feeling
From an ever deepening vacuum
Still try to pile the dirt back inside
To lay foundation for tomorrow to grow
Holes on my sides, the sand slips through.

Their smiles, their laughter their happiness
I can only acknowledge superficially.
Ready to explode, it brews to the surface
Choke it back, but it’s killing me.
Cannot control the monster raging
Mind malfunctioning, spins out of control

But the elixirs I bet on don’t deliver
And the weatherman is often wrong
Can only show what is now, and
What the climate should be.
Filled with predictions, calculations
Storms increase in intensity
And then die down again
Like me.

The cycle repeats.

 

photo courtesy of Prozac1

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Mondays

Disorientation
buzzes me from dreams,
Feather down comfort
being ripped away,
Skin departs from
Egyptian threads

I need caffeine.

Another Chance

Bringing forth new life, the heavens moved,
The earth shook when the baby cried.
Beautiful child of mine, who will you be?
A reflection of me, my hopes, my dreams?

Are shattered when the new visage fades,
Replaced with tears, and moans, and pain.
How could I have hoped for the divine?
But here you are, they say you’re mine.

Doctors, oh doctors, what can you do?
Two dozen try haphazardly,
The pills and the payments
One sees white, one sees blue

Try I do, yearning to love,
After more treatments, still no cure
Knowing this shreds my heart in two.
Half mourns for me, half mourns for you.

In the wild, animal moms eat their young
Or leave defects to perish, Nature is harsh
I can send you away
Or keep struggling through.

There you are with tears in your eyes.
I must see through me to finally see you
Imperfections, disappointment and truthfully
It’s far worse to change you than it is to change me

Only realizing this then am I free,
To love the real you, accept the real me,
The journey’s been rocky, painful, and long
But finally I have begun to understand.

photo courtesy of graur codrin

 

Back Up To Top ^

 

The Voices

Voices seep inward
Through this dark soul
From sources unknown.

Pound and prod,
In constant calm
Rhythms in my head.

Whispers and visions
Guide and guard,
Direct from far beyond.

So I follow, listen, laugh
Down winding, twisted devilish paths
Forward, onward I continue.

Words amiss, events dismissed,
Forcefully done, with their assist
I follow these voices around my head.

Sometimes merrily--gladdened,
Other times with hesitation,
Second thoughts, beaded perspiration
I follow these voices around my head.

Here I stand alone,
looking back once more.
Proceeding forward, blind I am
To options at this point in time.

It becomes clear in all I do
That choices and actions
Are premeditated, decided.

Like it or not as I may
I have no choice;
I must obey!

No force, no voice, no argument of reason
Can stop me now, nor shall you make me,
The voices made me do it –
And it’s they who I am pleasing.

photo courtesy of dan

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